About Iris McKay

Who I am is important to you if you are checking me out as a possible divorce mediator or consulting attorney or if you’re interested in my book, You In Control of Your Divorce.

While it’s true that YICOYD has been in the works for a while, there’s a good reason for that.  Since the concepts for Strategically Smart Divorce™  were conceived thirteen years ago, I’ve continued to maintain a part-time mediation and consulting law practice, in addition to having an extremely abundant and interesting personal life.  

Now, most lawyers will have a hard time admitting publicly that they only practice law part-time because of our cultural bias against part-time workers.  How can you do a good job if you are not working on something full time? Aren’t you putting forth a half-hearted effort? 

Well, those questions are from the old school—old think way of looking at life.  As a recovering co-dependent, workaholic, full-time stressed out lawyer in my thirties, forties, and fifties, I’m now delightfully in my early sixties.  With age comes privilege, as in I do not have anything to prove to anyone.  I set my own rules and do things my way. I honestly do not care what others think about me.

Working with a caseload of less than 10 clients allows me to give individual attention to each client. It allows me to hand pick my clients and only work with those DPs (divorcing people) who, quite frankly, are a privilege to work for. It allows me to wake up energized and excited because I have a reasonable workload.  I am dealing with intelligent and self-aware clients who are going through a difficult time in their lives. Not being overbooked, overstressed, and consumed with income generation allows me to show up as my best self.  Unlike many lawyers, I enjoy my work—that is most of the time. 

So, let’s get back to YICOYD. Old school with its old thinking attitudes would be suspicious about this book. Why is it taking so long?  What’s going on?  Well, it’s taking as long as it needs to take to be the best book it can.  I am self-publishing it so I can take advantage of the amazing resources that are available through Amazon.com and other sources for self-published authors, including crowdsourcing. 

That, and the fact that the actual process of writing YICOYD has been a labor of love.  Yes, it’s been fun and empowering to jot down all the hacks, tips and tools I’ve gathered in the 26 years of practicing law from watching my successful clients—you know those people that actually have a ‘good’ or positive divorce, as well as those unsuccessful clients—the greedy, bitter, and nasty people that you want to avoid at all cost.  We’ve all met both kinds.  The more I practice law and the more the practice of law changes, the more ‘updates’ I have for the S-E-L-F Core Strengths that make up a Strategically Smart Divorce™ that comprises You In Control of Your Divorce.

Recently, I’ve had a come to Jesus moment, which happens to coincide with my co-dependency recovery, which is that YICOYD must be launched.  It must be finished, even if it’s not technically perfect. It must be made available for DPs and their SPs (supporting people) to read. To that end, I am ready to commit to January 2021 as the official launch date for You In Control of Your Divorce.   Anyone wishing to read it and learn about the Social, Emotional, Legal and Financial strengths needed to have a Strategically Smart Divorce™ can read it then. 

Until then, you can learn about YICOYD, by subscribing to my newsletter and checking in to this site.  I will be releasing excerpts from YICOYD every Saturday morning at 7:00 a.m. Pacific Time.

In case you’re interested in statistical information about me, here goes:

Full name:  Iris Mann McKay

License Info:  California State Bar, Admitted in 1994, State Bar Number 174817 

Practice limited to:  San Diego County, divorce mediation and consulting.  Retired from litigation in 2015 (except for Bitcoin Belle case). Do not handle:  Collaborative law, appeals, restraining orders, child support collection, enforcement of orders, contempt, QDRO preparation, cases from other counties or states.  Unfortunately, cannot take pro bono, low bono or limited representation cases at this time.

Office location:  16870 West Bernardo Drive, Suite 400, San Diego, California 92127

Typical case demographics:

  • Marital estates between $1,000,000 and $15,000,000

  • One or both spouses in recovery for alcohol or other addiction or other traumatic events

  • “Gray divorce” clients over age 50

  • Clients have high level of self-awareness with ability to take responsibility for their actions

  • Work with CDFA (Certified Divorce Financial Analysts) to comply with California Disclosure requirements and accurate income assessment, asset and debt division.